As the father of daughters, I occasionally find myself thinking about the men they may one day choose to build a life with. Like most fathers, I have a few hopes 😊.
I hope they marry men who are kind, who know how to apologize and who can laugh at themselves. Men who treat others with dignity, especially other people who cannot do anything for them in return.
Over the years, I have come to believe that there are three attributes that underpin the others. I want my daughters to marry a man with a Mission, a man who takes Action, and a man who does not try to go through life alone. He belongs to a Network. Conveniently, that spells MAN. This framework came to me as I was preparing for a speaking engagement, from an unlikely source: John the Baptist.
Jesus once said of John, "among those born of women there has not risen anyone greater" (Matthew 11:11). That is quite a statement when you consider the company. Abraham, Moses, David, and Daniel were all giants of the faith. Yet Jesus singled out John.
John lived during a period of political tension, economic hardship, religious division, and widespread frustration with public leaders. Sound familiar?
Despite everything happening around him, John never lost sight of who he was or what he had been called to do.
There is something in that example worth paying attention to.
M for Mission
One of the hardest questions many men wrestle with well into adulthood is surprisingly simple:
What am I supposed to do with my life?
I am not talking about careers. A career and a mission are not always the same thing.
A man can have a successful career and still feel restless. He can climb the ladder, earn a good income, and still wonder whether he is spending his life on the right things.
John knew his assignment. Luke tells us that "the word of God came to John son of Zechariah in the wilderness" (Luke 3:2). John understood that his role was to prepare people for what was coming next.
Most of us will never stand on riverbanks preaching to crowds. But every man is given opportunities to serve, lead, build, teach, encourage, create, protect, or restore.
For some men, that work takes place in boardrooms. For others, it happens in classrooms, workshops, community centres, kitchens, or living rooms.
I have noticed that purpose often begins to take shape when three things come together:
- What are you naturally good at?
- What problems refuse to leave you alone?
- Where has life placed you right now?
The answers may change over time.
The mission of a young father raising children will not look exactly like the mission of an empty nester. A man who once poured himself into a profession may later discover that mentoring younger people has become his next assignment. Life has seasons and good men pay attention when those seasons change.
A for Action
Having a mission is one thing. Doing something about it is another. John did not simply speak about repentance. Luke says, "He went into all the country around the Jordan, preaching" (Luke 3:3). He got moving.
Many men spend years waiting for the perfect moment before taking the first step. They will have difficult conversations when life settles down. They will start the business next year. They will repair the relationship when the timing feels right. They will volunteer when work slows down. Often, that day never comes.
The men I admire most are those who are present, keep their word and do the hard thing even when they would rather avoid it. They understand that good intentions, by themselves, do not change much.
I have also learned that being busy is not the same as moving forward. Many of us know what it feels like to end a week exhausted but unable to explain what we actually accomplished. We answered emails, attended meetings, drove around, paid bills, cut grass, and crossed dozens of tasks off a list.
Yet the things we said were most important somehow received the least attention. Without purpose and direction, distractions often disguise themselves as opportunities.
A man worth building a life with is not a man who does everything. He is a man who, fueled by conviction, knows what deserves his time and then acts accordingly. As James writes, "faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead" (James 2:17).
N for Network
There is another quality I hope future sons-in-law possess. I hope they have people: real people and not just social media followers. I hope they have honest friends who can challenge them and older men they respect. I hope they have brothers who know when they are struggling.
Modern life has created a strange paradox. We can communicate with almost anyone in the world instantly, yet many men have never felt more alone. Too many men carry heavy burdens in silence.
John the Baptist did not work alone. He had followers. He mentored others. He eventually pointed those followers toward Jesus, someone to whom he looked up, saying in effect, "Don't stay with me. Follow Him instead" (John 1:35–37).
John reminds us that healthy men do not try to carry life by themselves. I learned this lesson the hard way.
Several years ago, I found myself facing a difficult situation and for a while I carried the burden alone. Eventually, I opened up to another man who connected me with someone who had walked a similar road years earlier. His advice helped me avoid costly mistakes.
More importantly, the experience reminded me that God often answers problems through people. Every man needs:
- someone ahead of him,
- someone beside him,
- and someone coming behind him.
No one was designed to do life alone.
The world my daughters are growing up in is changing quickly. The technologies they use, the careers they pursue, and the challenges they face look very different from those my generation encountered. In my view, a good character never goes out of style.
So when I think about the men I hope they marry, I am not primarily thinking about income, status, or professional success.
I hope they choose men with a Mission.
Men who Act.
Men who belong to a Network and who invest in others.
In short, I hope they choose a MAN.